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Lone boat

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Wash me
Brush me
Hold me
Unfold me
Feed me
Bathe &
Clothe me
Treat me
As if I were a broken man        a man
just been found
After years
Lost at sea                         at sea

I don’t know
How to ask
Anyone
To fight for me
I often think
I’m likely not              worth it

And  the   wind    picks     up
My sails fill once       more

 

waiting for the train to Portland

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After the grey bic I gave him failed to light his smoke, Mr. Wood told me ” you made that happen didn’t you? You’re powerful.” My response was a silent acceptance of their words & I followed them outside to lend them my fire. I remarked on their pink beanie now endearingly upon a head which in contrast to a mess of grey/white beard/hair & the one triumphant tooth, it seemed to create an agelessness even behind those weathered waterways & pathways formed on their face. Straightening their spine & stated “why thank you! I’m half girl”, standing in loose yoga pants, two different socks & a shawl with their arms crossed. Without thought or filter, I replied “hey me too” & I think both of us felt seen & we smiled. She made sure to see us off, My lover & I, as we stepped up onto the train. “See you in Hawaii !” She waved.

Solstice Travel

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The way the light dancers move across the overhead

this capsule, our collective temporary home

strangers packed into a tubular dwelling, shared air & farts

I know I’m getting older because my feet swell at higher altitudes

formerly an unremarkable impact on my body, with a rubber band elastic capability

we know rubber binders last longer with continuous use

I cried out with a perfect surrender, I never owned how much abandonment effects

more what damage rejection has left

so maybe that void has widened along with it my sensitivity

sensibility through humbling fragility has rendered me frightened

fear alone could never deter me

if I thought hard enough

pretty much all things

are terrifying .

 

 

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you can be sugar

and i

can be salt

you can be sweet

and i’ll leave you

thirsty

 

Wash out

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Washed up
On shores of dissolved expectation
Red beaten
tenderized by
abrasive immobile
measures of grandiose
Illusions
Tear away
Rip tidal gruesome
Wake to woke to aching
Tethers
stark
barren bones
Indecisive truth
Patience developing
On beaches of invention
Washed up

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truegender

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image.jpegI’ve been afraid

of likeness

of difference

could this be it all along?

Not so simple

deliciously complex

so challenged

I forgot what my abilities were

I forgot

that this is an

explanation

expansion

exploration

elevation

is it possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me?

i want my body to grow hair

i want these muscles

long hiding beneath thick layers of self doubt,

systematic dissatisfaction,

societal oppression,

laziness grown from supposed impossibility,

misshapen idealisms & quiet longings

to twitch, stir, strengthen, define new beauties, set new standards & show them selves

internally I’ve been so patient

externally I’ve been crying for a shift I couldn’t name

if I am able

I’ll listen, closer & with more honesty

this body is mine to create

I hadn’t been able to see that before

what power, I’m grateful for the responsibility

im not attempting anything other then to express myself

I know that instrument takes years to Learn & one cannot practice enough

I am not trying to become anything at all

I am looking to exist in ernest real time

Gemme that hermitude

move got to go add new flesh to these bones

sometimes it is messy messy

hang around if you enjoy loving disarray

I am my own art

my life speaks volumes

telling stories of my reality is my truth

allow me to begin again

ive been afraid